Where’s Abby Hoffman When You Need Him?

I was talking with someone close to me recently who requested that he remain anonymous, about how right now would be the perfect time for a revolution in the United States. Maybe I think that way because there seems to be one going on inside of me. But really I think it’s much bigger than that. I think that this country needs an over haul in so many ways. Well, corporate America especially because frankly it seems an evil place.

I never realized that so much before I got laid off in 2001. The lay off itself was really just the last straw, it wasn’t even the worst of it. I am not sure if I would have survived it much longer anyway, having the creativity sucked right out of me. .I did that for two and a half years, and it only got worse and worse. It got to the point where I didn’t even care about any of the words that I wrote because I knew they were merely going to get slashed and burned like so much forest. When I started working on the Internet, it was just the beginning of the hot phase. It was like a roller coaster ride, I thought I was doing pretty good, I hopped from job to job like some kind of crazed trainhopper, making more money every time.

That’s the thing about corporate America, the things that happen, the squashing of creativity, the lay-offs, the parking passes, none of it is given or taken away for personal reasons. It’s all about money. Money, money, money. As a writer working on the edge of a corporate job as an underpaid contractor, I struggle. I understand the need and craving for money, but what blows my mind is the lying and crazy schemed these big corporations create in order to make gobs and gobs of money. More money than anyone could possibly spend surely in a lifetime. So, at any rate, this is why I feel like we need a revolution because things are going to hell in a hand basket, and since it appears that everything is based on the stock market and the stock market is about as stable as my uncle’s boat and I might add here that the motor has fallen off of my uncle’s boat several times. Everyone freaks out when the stock market crashes and everyone gets scared and stops spending money, it leaves a vacuum. When there is a vacuum there is an imbalance of power, and that, my friends is the perfect time for a revolution.

I don’t know much about history because of the way it was taught in school bored me to tears. The only thing that was interesting to me was the part about revolutions. There have been so many in Russia, though that seems to have slowed down for now. The ones in France involved a lot of beheadings. I am not really talking about that kind of revolution, I am talking about the old fashioned kind from the sixties that were also before my time. Once in my life have I have been exposed to people at least claiming to start a revolution. It was a rough time in my life when I lived on the street for a time in California. At one point, I drifted up to Santa Cruz with some other people, where we set up a tent in a place called Davenport and I lived there at the campground for 6 weeks. During the day my friends and I would hang out on the mall in Santa Cruz. There were these weird people with shaved heads who stood out on the mall all day also, handing out flyers about revolution and how there was one starting underground, who was going to work its way up to the government. I wonder what ever happened to those people? Maybe they are on Facebook, who knows.

editing, punctuation and other rules

My husband reminded me that I might want to consider using punctuation in these blog posts. He doesn't like the way I let my brain spew out uncontrollable words with no editing, in the fashion of Jack Kerouac. Not that I am bold enough to try to compare myself to Kerouac, though he is one of my favorite writers. Nevertheless, I get it that not too many people appreciate that style. So in the name of improving myself, I will from this moment on solemnly swear to use punctuation as needed.

I have been thinking today about what I ultimately I wish to do with my life. That got me to thinking about why I stopped writing, except for the occasional stray poem. Not to mention, I spend all day writing for work stuff, mostly brief product blurbs but strangely mind zapping at the same time.

A while ago when I got laid off from a company called, Ezgov, in 2001. Strangely enough that is also where K and I met. We were smoking buddies, now we are just cranky ex- smokers.. After Ezgov, I worked for one year as a freelance writer, and then the gig I am in now cropped up. My goal at the time was to start writing and getting published and then try to build that up but somewhere along the way I lost sight of what I wanted to do, and also got into the glass work, which I still love .It is amazing to me that my 3 month contract job turned into 6 years and counting. That is crazy.
I think what happened was I became more focused on trying to make money, as opposed to the "if you build it they will come" sort of mentality. And to be honest, I still have my doubts, but something in my bones is telling me to write, so I am writing. If nothing else, just for the practice of it, because everyone who writes knows, the only way to do it is to write everyday, and maybe if I am lucky something I actually like plops out of my head.

Of course, that doesn't mean anyone else will like it, but I think one of the benefits of growing older, and therefore wiser, is that I really care less and less what anyone else thinks! Its very freeing. But then of course on the flippant side, I naturally want you to love me too. I mean, aren't we all ultimately seeking a loving audience who adores us? OK, peace out..

Still not feeling the love!

Ok, so I know I all ready wrote a little bit about the paycut for myself and my contractor peers who work for this big company, who I also happen to know made a lot of money this year despite the economy, and I don't mean to belabor the point but its like the more I think about it the more it pisses me off.

Especially when I think about how pretty much the 4 contractors on my particular team are all Moms and the main reason we even keep the job at all is because we are allowed to work from home, so we can be there more for our kids, but the thing that gets me is its like they got us by the balls becausethey know we all love working from home and being able to be there more for our families, and I guess they think they are doing us a favor by "letting" us keep our jobs, but I am really having a hard time dealing with this scenario and I feel totally screwed, especially when I think about how I have given six years of my life to this company and all they do is take stuff away every year..so geez, let's hope I can get some writing gigs soon because Momma needs some green! Like last year, they took away personal and sick time. This year , a 10%pay cut. Merry Xmas!

I have stuck it out through thick and thin, because of circumstances in my life that made it a good fit. Like 2 pregnancies one in 2004 and one in 2007, the latter was kind of high risk because I had high blood pressure, so I had to take it easy, though I wasn't on bed rest exactly, but it was good to work from home, so I could rest when I could. Then there was what I call the year of skin cancer and a couple of surgeries on my face 2 years ago which was a total drag and I am sure grateful I didn't work in an office then when I was looking like all scarfacey, but that's all healed up now.

Plus before that, there were oral surgeries after my first daughter was born, so I mean yes the job has served me well, but I am just feeling grossly underpaid. Have never gotten a raise, only pay cuts. I wonder if the recruiting firm took a hit on it or not? Maybe I should just put the baby on tv. Just kidding.