Falling in holes

Ok, so I think I need to find a better way to deal with my stress. I continue to feel in a rough spot, and wondering when it is going to let up? Work continues to be total madness since the "resource actions". I wonder if they seriously intend for things to continue as they have the past 3 weeks?


Big brother might be watching, so I don't want to say too much about that, because as frustrating as the job is, I really need that job right now, so therefore, I am still glad I have it!

Not sure how well that is working out, but more will be revealed on that one. I mean I do need the job, but I can't kill myself with the stress and overload of work, it is trying to take over my life, I am trying to not let it as I have two beautiful children who I like to hang out with, and a life and of course my glass work, which really is the only thing I want to do. But then of course,it's like my friend said, if I only did the glass, would that feel too much like work also? Perhaps.

Its just I am not sure I want to be in corporate America at all anymore. Its like, I have always sort of felt like I square peg in a round hole, or maybe the other way, I round peg in a square hole?

I think the only company job I ever loved was at Creative Loafing, working on their internet site. But then the Internet work was booming, in the late 90's and the money was flowing and I got an offer for more money at a different company, and I really needed the money so I took it. Actually that job was pretty fun also, until an ex-boyfriend showed up.Plus I didn't really enjoy working in Smyrna. After that came the job where I met my current husband. We used to be friends at that job, smoking buddies actually, we were nicer to each other then I think.

But now, here I am, trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Well that's not even true, trying to believe I can do what I want to do, which really is make glass and write. I think maybe if I only spent half my time doing glass, and half writing, maybe I wouldn't get sick of either one? The problem is I have sort of lost my faith in myself temporarily. Well I won't say lost completely, but I just have allowed myself, for reasons that I am sad to say, to become slightly beat down. That's not good, not good at all. I am trying to rectify that in my heart, because I think that's where it started. It always starts with a crack though right, and then the crack turns into a gaping wound. But its like another old friend used to say, sometimes you have to open the wound to let all the bad stuff out, especially if it was covered over for a while with lies and more heartache. But in order to really heal, one has to let all that bad stuff out, like same thing with a bullet wound, it has to come out, so the wound can heal correctly.

I threw out a lifeline today to the Atlanta Glass Guild, and joined, so I am hoping I can at least do some group shows with them I hope, later this year and make some more $$, and sell more glass. I just have to remember, that the journey isn't over, I am just on the way. To where? I am not sure yet.